The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
