Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
