Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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