We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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