I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
