It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
