forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
soo... how was my night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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