I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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