you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
