he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We left an ass print on the piano.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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