just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just had sex bonerless
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
