i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
