My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize