So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
