I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
