barbara walters just said penis...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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