I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
