I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize