I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
