We're facebook friends in real life
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
