I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
