i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are we still banned from the library?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize