Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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