i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
