I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
