I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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