ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
