i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
