apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
