Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
