Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
