Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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