Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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