someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sext me about skeletons
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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