Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there was a trapeze. enough said
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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