So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
