The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
