i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
