if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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