So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
