Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
