just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
