i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
