There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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