chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
