No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
