..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
