every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
