Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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