she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
