My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
