You made me cry and you don't even care
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
