Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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