I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
