Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
