Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
