It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
