My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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