Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
