So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
