If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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