That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
