I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
