Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
