I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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