I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
