Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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