we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
